Should my husband get a vasectomy?
Today I want to address an invasive question that I get asked wayyyy too often. Whenever people find out that I teach natural birth control methods professionally, they always have a lot of questions. Perhaps the funniest question is the one that I get from many 30 & 40 something married women...
"Will your husband get a vasectomy when you're done having kids?"
I feel like people feel the need to ask this question for a few reasons...
Firstly, because vasectomies are the IUDs of our 40s. In our 20s, we all get IUDs. In our 40s, our partners get vasectomies. It's just kind of been established as the status quo, the way things are done in our society.
Secondly, I think people want to feel camaraderie in their decision to encourage their partners to get vasectomies. There is comfort in knowing that other people have this same desire and/or have made this same decision too.
Lastly, I think people are just genuinely curious about the longevity of fertility awareness methods as birth control. Like, is she really going to do this forever?!
So, let's talk about it.
I can tell you with absolute certainty that my husband is NOT going to get a vasectomy at any point in his life unless he really wants one for his own reasons. I have no desires or plans to ask my husband to undergo a surgical birth control procedure when we have a safe, natural, and highly effective birth control method that has worked well for us for so many years.
My answer always surprises people.
You see, I don't feel that we have to accept that vasectomies are the status quo for birth control after babies. Just like I don't feel that we need to accept that IUDs and other hormonal birth control methods are the status quo for birth control before we're done having babies. I don't want to be on hormonal birth control AND I don't want my husband to have to undergo a surgical birth control procedure, especially when I am skilled in using a method that would prevent us from needing to rely on either of those options.
Now some of you might be thinking, "But Brandy, you don't think that my husband should be WILLING to get a vasectomy for us? I've carried the birth control burden for so long. It's his turn now."
Okay, hear me out...
Girl, I get it. It angers me to my core that 100% of the birth control burden is placed on people with vaginas. Somehow it takes two people to get pregnant, but only one person is responsible for preventing pregnancy? How does that make any sense at all? Talk about men not taking responsibility for their actions (but that is a really long conversation for another day!).
While I firmly believe that men, women, and people of all genders need to take responsibility for preventing unplanned pregnancies, I don't think that any of us need to be WILLING to accept surgical or hormonal birth control options. If a birth control option does not feel like a good fit for you, then it isn't. The same goes for your partner and vasectomies.
I also believe that your partner must be willing to accept your ability to using cycle tracking methods of fertility awareness to prevent pregnancy naturally if he doesn't want to wear condoms or get a vasectomy - the two most readily available birth control options for men. If he is having trouble accepting or trusting fertility awareness methods, it's time for him to educate himself on FAMs. And, I have some great resources on my blog!
My bottom line is that we don't have to rely on vasectomies for birth control after babies when we know how to use fertility awareness methods as birth control. (Which I teach you how to do in my Cycle Wisdom Course!)
To the folks who were searching for some camaraderie in their decisions to get vasectomies, there is nothing wrong with getting a vasectomy if it feels like the right birth control option for you and your partner. Just because it is not the right birth control option for my relationship, does not mean that it isn't the right option for yours.
And to the folks who are thinking, "Holy crap so you're just going to track your cycle forever?! That seems like a lot of work." Here's the deal...
It's so simply and so easy. It takes me less than a few minutes a day to do. And, it tells me SO MUCH about my health and my cycle. Because of my cycle tracking practice I will know as soon as I am starting to transition into perimenopause. I will know if there are red flags for that transition and where my body is needing support so that I don't get stuck with a decade of terrible side effects. I will know the moment when I transition into menopause. I will never get caught off guard by scary cancer symptoms or get stuck with shitty periods. All the information will be right there in my charts and I will be able to seek out support asap to avoid issues throughout my menstruating life.
Cycle tracking is so much more than birth control and babies. It is health. It is wellbeing. It is living life as a menstruating person.
So to answer your question...
Yes, I am going to track my cycle forever. No, my husband is not going to get snipped. Yes, we are going to have a fabulous sex life until we're old and wrinkly and our kids think it's gross and embarrassing.
Would you like to allow your partner to skip the snip too? Let's chat! Book a consult call with me and I will share all about how fertility awareness methods work and how to use them into your 40s and beyond!