Everything you want to know about fams but are too afraid to ask
Does he pull out? What if I can’t find my cervical fluid? How many of your clients have had unplanned pregnancies using this method? What if I hate using condoms? Can sex still be spontaneous? Will forgetting to take my temperature one day ruin everything?
There are so many questions that we have when trying to decide if fertility awareness methods (FAMs) as birth control are right for us… and most of those questions can feel embarrassing to ask. I get it. That’s why today I’m going to answer them for you, so you don’t even have to ask.
We’ve got a lot to cover, so let’s dive right in.
Okay, right off the bat I’m going to ask the #1 question that most people have about FAMs as birth control, but feel wayyyyy too embarrassed to ask…
Does he pull out?
Honestly, this is a very important question. The answer is yes, no, & sometimes. It depends on the couple and in which phase of her cycle the woman is in currently. Using the sympto-thermal double check method of FAM (the method that I use and teach that you can read all about here), you do NOT need to pull out during intercourse or use a barrier method like a condom if you are outside of your fertile window. The fertile window is roughly 10 to 15 days long in each menstrual cycle. The 4 rules of the method are designed to allow you to accurately identify this window of time. (PS. The fertile window includes a buffer zone because we cannot pinpoint the exact moment of ovulation. The true fertile window for conception is more like 6 days in every cycle.)
While sympto-thermal method users do not need to practice pulling out outside of the fertile window many, myself included, chose to pull out during all or certain phases of the cycle. Folks who really really don’t want to get pregnant and want to minimize the risk as much as possible often choose to practice pulling out both before and after the fertile window. They use condoms or abstain during the fertile window (which we all have to do). They also often choose to also pull out when using a condom during the fertile window and often choose to pull out after the close of the fertile window as well.
Other folks choose to only practice pulling out in the phase of the cycle before the opening of the fertile window. This is because this is the phase of the cycle where unplanned pregnancy is more likely because ovulation has not happened yet. Once ovulation occurs and the fertile window is accurately closed the chance of pregnancy in the postovulatory phase is zero.
And, even the folks who never practice pulling out outside of the fertile window still need to use a condom or abstain from intercourse during the fertile window.
Want the TMI on exactly how I, personally, approach this?
I never, not once, allowed a partner to finish inside of me before knowing that I would be happy if I got pregnant. The reward didn’t seem worth the risk to me at that time. Currently my husband and I practice pulling out all the time because I’ve learned that seminal fluid increases my risk of vaginal yeast infections (Spoiler alert - It does for everyone. I’m just more susceptible.) We use condoms during the fertile window.
Professionally, I have ZERO concerns with clients not pulling out after they have accurately closed their fertile windows. I feel a little nervous about not pulling out before the opening of the fertile window, mostly for folks who are really serious about not wanting to get pregnant. I also encourage condoms AND pulling out during the fertile window if folks are really serious about not wanting to get pregnant.
Okay, now that we’ve got that one out of the way, let’s move on.
What if I can’t find my cervical fluid?
If you’ve been thinking this, you are not alone. So many people ask me some version of this question. It feels scary and uncertain because we’ve never been taught what to look for, how to look for it, or what to even expect. Take a deep breath, it’s easier than you think. Cervical fluid will be right there waiting for you to see it. Don’t expect to have visible cervical fluid every day. That won’t happen, and it’s normal. Most cervical fluid is seen during the fertile window and, for some folks, here and there during the luteal phase. If you don’t see much, or any, fluid on a particular day or for most of the cycle - that’s okay, just keep on going. I have only ever had one, maybe two, clients who legitimately struggled to have observable cervical fluid changes. If that is the case, there are easy ways to increase cervical fluid production with simple food, supplements, & lifestyle shifts.
If I forget to take my temperature one day will that ruin everything?
No. In fact, before using the sympto-thermal method I used a cervical fluid only method of FAMs as birth control for nearly 5 years. That means that for 5 years I used nothing but cervical fluid observations to prevent pregnancy. Temperature is a fertility sign that we use to help us close the fertile window. If you miss a few days of temperature recordings here and there it may force you to keep your fertile window open longer than necessary, that’s all. That is because we need to have 9 to 10 consecutive temperature recordings in the fertile window in order to effectively close the fertile window and be certain that ovulation has occurred using the rules of the sympto-thermal method. All other temps outside of those 10 are not used for birth control purposes, but instead for better understanding cycle wellness and spotting potential hormonal imbalances.
That inevitably leads us to another question…
Do I really need to chart my cervical fluid and temperature every day?
No, at least not after you have a strong understanding and competency of charting your cycles with the sympto-thermal method. I encourage folks to do their best to chart fluid and temp daily for at least their first year of charting to solidify the habit, as well as ensure greater efficacy with pregnancy prevention. Do I, however, chart my fluid and temp daily after 12 years of using FAMs as birth control? No. Not even close. I chart only enough data to open and close my fertile window unless I’m concerned about hormonal imbalances, then I chart all cycle long. The book Taking Charge Of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler has some nice examples of modified versions of charting for experienced users. I, for one, generally start taking my temperature once I notice the onset of cervical fluid after the start of my period. Then, I chart temperature until I can apply the temperature rule for closing the fertile window, after which I stop temping. I observe cervical fluid all month long but only record the info necessary for establishing my fertile window. Ps. This is not enough info to begin practicing modified charting on your own. Contact me if you're a former client and would like to explore modified charting.
What if I hate condoms?
Then, you don’t have to use them! Instead you can choose to practice abstinence or engage in non penis-in-vagina sex during the fertile window. If you’re in your first 3 cycles of charting with FAMs (when I generally recommend condom use all cycle long), you would abstain or engage in non PIV sex from the start of your period until the close of your fertile window, after which you would use the pull out method during the luteal phase until the start of your next period. You could also choose to get fitted for a diaphragm, but they must be used with spermicides that tend to be harsh and toxic, can mask cervical fluid observations, and cause vaginal irritation.
What if I can’t tell the difference between the different types of cervical fluids?
Don’t sweat it, that’s what I’m here for as your FAM Educator. I will walk you step-by-step through differentiating cervical fluid types. We will look at real-life images of cervical fluid AND you are always welcome to send me pictures of your personal cervical fluid to assess once becoming a client. Seriously, I look at an unbelievable number of cervical fluid pics in a week!
Can sex still be spontaneous?
Totally! There is no need to preplan sex using FAMs. You’ll be observing in real-time and making choices about when and when not to have sex in real-time.
How many of your clients have had unplanned pregnancies after working with you?
ZERO. You can read some real-life client stories here.
Is this method of birth control studied?
Yes! The method of FAMs that I am trained to teach (and personally use) is called the sympto-thermal double check method. The most comprehensive study on the method is from Germany in 2007, often referenced as the Petra Frank-Herrmann study. This study shows that the method is up to 99.6% effective at preventing pregnancy when all method rules were followed and users were in close contact with a trained educator (like myself!). You can read that study here.
Why didn’t my doctor tell me that this method of birth control was an option?
Want to hear something wild? OBGYN’s and gynecologists are not taught how to use FAMs as birth control during their medical school training. In fact, they are barely taught anything about the benefits of cycle tracking or how to use food, supplements, & lifestyle to support a menstrual health. Some doctors are even taught skewed efficacy data on FAMs because large outlets like Planned Parenthood lump together all fertility awareness methods (there are quite a few, all with varying efficacy rates) with outdated and ineffective pregnancy prevention strategies like the rhythm method (which FAM Educators acknowledge doesn’t work and isn’t a fertility awareness method). Doctors don’t teach FAMs as a birth control option because it often isn’t presented to them as one.
I NEVER want to get pregnant so I can’t use FAMs as birth control, right?
Wrong. What good is a birth control method if you have to want to get pregnant in order to use it? That doesn’t make any sense. Saying this is like saying, I never want to get pregnant so I can’t ever have sex. Regardless of which birth control method we choose to use, sex comes with the risk of pregnancy. The sympto-thermal double check method is studied to be up to 99.6% effective when learned from a trained educator like myself - that’s the same as the birth control pill! If you never want to get pregnant AND you don’t want a lifetime of hormonal birth control, then FAMs could actually be the BEST choice for you.
My partner isn’t onboard with using FAMs as birth control. What should I do?
You ask him to educate himself, like you have, so that he can make an informed decision. It’s not up to you to convince him. He must learn how it works, why it’s so effective, and what his role in FAMs as birth control will be. This very comprehensive blog post I wrote is a great place for him to start. If after doing all that he still doesn’t trust your body and your ability to effectively track your cycle, then there’s a bigger decision to make.
Do I go off of hormonal birth control before, during, or after learning FAMs as birth control?
That’s entirely up to you. Let’s break it down…
Going off hormonal birth control BEFORE learning FAMs
> You’re jumpstarting the return of your natural menstrual cycle sooner than if you waited.
> You will be able to chart your own cycles in real-time while learning.
> You will have the most experience with your personal, real-life cycle.
> You will have the help of your FAM Educator as you navigate the wonky first few cycles off of hormonal birth control AND your first ever cycles of FAM charting.
> Your FAM Educator will be able to help you spot potential cycle imbalances as you transition off of hormonal birth control.
> It may feel nerve-wracking to be off of hormonal birth control before you fully understand how to use FAMs as birth control.
Going off hormonal birth control WHILE learning FAMs
> You will have the comfort of knowing you’re still protected from pregnancy for a bit while you’re starting to learn FAMs as birth control.
> You will get some experience charting your real-life, real-time cycles, but not comprehensive experience. (I require 3 full cycles of charting support with me before I let clients go out on their own).
> You will have some support with navigating cycle imbalances and wonky post-birth control cycles with your FAM Educator, but not for as many cycles unless you invest in more time together.
> It’s common for folks who choose this option to get excited and ditch their hormonal birth control sooner than expected.
Going off hormonal birth control AFTER learning FAMs
> You will have the comfort of knowing that you’re on hormonal birth control until you feel fully confident in charting FAMs as birth control.
> You will have zero experience charting your real-life, real-time cycle.
> You will only have experience applying FAM rules to practice charts which tend to be easier and more straightforward than a real-time cycle.
> You won’t have the support of a FAM Educator for navigating the transition off of hormonal birth control, wonky post-birth control cycles, and potential cycle imbalances (unless you invest in more time with your FAM Educator after discontinuing hormonal birth control).
As a FAM Educator, I find that clients gain skill and confidence more quickly if they go off of hormonal birth control before or at the start of working with a FAM Educator to learn how to use FAMs as birth control.
Do I have to put my fingers in my vagina?
No. In fact, if that’s how you’re checking for cervical fluid, then you’re doing it wrong. Cervical fluid is observed on our underwear, on toilet paper, and with a simple swipe of the finger at the vaginal opening (inside the labia, but not inside the vagina). It is also observed through walking sensation, or what we feel when we’re just walking around. The only time you might do an internal check is if you are tracking cervix changes (which I also teach in my Cycle Wisdom Course). Of course, putting your fingers in your vagina is not at all a bad thing, but it’s not something that you need to do in order to track cervical fluid changes.
Do I really have to wake up at the same time every day to record temperature changes?
No. There is a simple adjustment formula for if you wake up earlier or later than normal. For folks that would prefer not to adjust temperatures, there’s also the Temp Drop arm band that you wear on your arm to sleep and isn’t time dependent.
Isn’t FAMs for religious people who don’t believe in birth control?
Yes and no. Do religious folks who don’t believe in birth control gravitate towards FAMs for pregnancy prevention and fertility management? Yes, because it is an effective and natural way to prevent pregnancy without altering one’s natural body chemistry. Does that mean that ONLY religious people use FAMs? No. People all over the world use FAMs for birth control regardless of religion, age, nationality, relationship status, race, and more.
Can’t I just listen to podcasts and read books & blogs to learn FAMs? Do I really need a certified FAM Educator?
That’s up to you. The method efficacy of up to 99.6% effectiveness is based on working closely with a trained educator. We don’t have efficacy ratings on “typical use” or self-teaching FAMs, though almost all experienced educators agree that those efficacy rates are likely much lower. If you know for certain that you do not want to risk an unplanned pregnancy, I highly recommend working with a FAM Educator.
So, there you have it - everything you want to know about FAMs but are too afraid to ask!
Is there something that I left out? Message me here with your questions and I’ll be happy to send you an answer.
Are you interested in making the switch to FAMs as birth control OR want to hear from other women who already have? Check out my Cycle Wisdom Course page here. It’s full of real-life client stories and all the details on how to work with me when you’re ready.
Want to learn more about using fertility awareness methods and cycle tracking as natural birth control? Check out my FREE 5 Day Mini Cycle Tracking Course!
In the FREE 5 Day Mini Course, I’ll show you…
Exactly how hormonal birth control changes your brain and the surprising ways the pill, patch, shot, ring, and IUDs impact our bodies
Why cycle tracking apps, rings, the Apple watch, and even devices like Natural Cycles are not effective natural birth control options
How to get started cycle tracking the right way using cervical fluid and basal body temperature
How to use the cycle tracking as natural birth control and to, wait for it, have better periods